Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Why Cherchez La Femme?

Somewhere between the rebellion of youth and the responsibility of adulthood I lost track of who I was. The carefree days of climbing trees and hiding our schoolyard giggles behind our palms was replaced by long work hours, financial worries and myriad relationship woes. Or in other words, the same old same old story. But maybe not exactly. Every story is a little different.

A little under 10 years ago, a solid degree under my belt, great GPA and the confidence of youth, I found myself wide-eyed and eager at the bottom rung of a corporate ladder ready to take on the world. To say disillusionment followed soon would be a morbid exaggeration, to say I lost myself would be melodramatic but to not admit that those things did happen would be a bigger lie. At first the perks were sweet. Frequent flyer miles, first class hotels, power lunches and fancy dinners, all paid by the firm. The feeling of being on top of the world.

The realization that all that came at a price took a while to sink in. The realization that there may be something more to life took a little longer. And then, one day, I left my Big 4 career and moved to a less demanding job. I finally had time to do all the things I thought I wanted to do... only to realize six months later that that wasn't quite what I wanted either.

I find myself at a crossroads. It's time to reinvent myself but I don't know how. So here we are. There is no growth without awareness, no progress without understanding. Cherchez la femme is a glimpse into my past, present and future. It's as much an observation of the incongruities of human life (particularly mine), a collection of Freudian slips and a continuous essay on cognitive dissonance as it is a search for the woman within. The stories are real, the names are fake and the reflections are mine. But the journey is one I know I share with people everywhere.

1 Comments:

Blogger EspritNoir said...

the more i look around, the more i see people trying to figure their own lives out. and here i was, thinking i was the only one, not quite young, not quite middle aged, and with no idea of who i am, or where i want to go or what i want to do:)

j'espere que tu trouve qu'est que tu desire, yourself...:)

look me up sometime...cheers til then!

1/19/2006 7:37 AM  

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