Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Post-Meltdown

I am seriously beginning to consider the possibility that I am addicted to McDonald's chocolate coated vanilla cones, the universe is still sending me cryptic messages through my keychain and John and I are going bowling on Friday. Or in other words, life goes on.

The last few days were bad. I got rearended, then I got thrown in the middle of all of John's neighbors, friends, family and his ex - deja vu aside, I felt like I had walked out onto the stage in the middle of a play and didn't know my role - and then later that night I got the news about mom. Then my boss blew me off when I tried to discuss taking time off, we found out that my parents insurance won't cover the expenses, I got my license suspension notice, my bloody keychain wouldn't stop blinking (all these coded messages and signals from the universe really should come with a manual) and as I was rescuing my travel suitcase from under a pile of clothes in the closet I found T’s old t-shirt, the one he had loaned me once to sleep in and then kind of became mine from that day. It made me remember how he was really good at just shutting up sometimes and being there when I was upset about work or family. And frankly, I miss being held and cuddled and teased and kissed and being told I am special.

So I had a champagne- and tear-fest.

I called John this morning. No, I am not ready for a relationship. I think we established that last night. But I owed him a phone call. I apologized for being a flake, which I am at times. And told him that I am quite possibly an emotional nutcase, which I also am at times. He didn't seem to mind too much and I just want to get out and do something. So. We are going bowling. But I told him he couldn’t bring his whole neighborhood around.

I also got my leave through HR. It is unpaid but this way my boss can’t try to throw a wrench in my plans. Not that he would have blatantly stopped me from going but if I was still pursuing the vacation route he would have delayed his approval, spouting more passive-aggressive bullshit and driving me crazy for as long as he could. Leaving my job, charming and reckless as it sounds, is not the best option for me because my parents are partly financially dependent on me and although I realize it is decidedly uncool to want to take care of one’s parents and I probably should make my poor mother scrub some toilets to raise money for her surgery, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

5 Comments:

Blogger beefdrop said...

Wow, you are so lucky! Our Mcd's don't have the dipped cones, we gotta go to dairy queen for that, and although its a bit more pricy, the icecream is better and the sioze is larger. Yah!

2/09/2006 8:55 AM  
Blogger beefdrop said...

Okay, just caught up here. You have quite the fan base, way to go!

I think you need to take that shirt that your ex left you, and burn it, for real. Release that energy, write a ulogy, and take control. Its hard to move on with constant reminders, so do that. Also, the shirt has a vibe to it, and I think its better off gone. Yes!
I can't wait to hear how bowling went!
Oh, and you're wondering if your ex remembers you? I bet you 100% that he does, that he probably dreams of you occasionally, and that when he's lonely and feeling down, he probably wonders if you remember him. But fuck him! You've got better things to do! You are alive, so focus on living! Yes! Embrace the moment always! Bake some cookies and bring them to your neighbor, just because. Open doors, and your red carpet will unroll in front of you!!!

2/09/2006 9:08 AM  
Blogger Neil said...

In my part of town, going bowling together means you're having a relationship more than sleeping together does.

2/09/2006 2:08 PM  
Blogger cherchezlafemme said...

Figures! And I thought bowling would be low pressure.

And beefdrop, that was very inspirational. I almost want to bake cookies now!

2/09/2006 6:42 PM  
Blogger beefdrop said...

Do it! Yes!

2/10/2006 11:39 AM  

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