Monday, July 31, 2006

And Life Goes On

Wow, it has been over a month since my last post. My, how time flies when one is not anguished. I think this is the first time in the last few years that I have not felt confused, conflicted or unhappy about some thing or the other in my life and it shows. Someone once said that pain was the essence of all great creation and although that seems like a rather morbid viewpoint to take on life I do kinda get it. It's those emotional unheavals and inner turmoils that we would like to avoid in life that give it its color. Which, depending on whether you are just a happy, go with the flow kind of person by nature or the soul-searching type, will either sound horrible or make the most perfect sense of all.

Not that everything is smooth sailing. For one, I just switched jobs and adjusting to the new one is turning out to be harder than I thought. Technically, it was an internal transfer but my company's idea of internal transfers is to subject employees to 8-10 hrs of gruelling interviews so that by the time you are done you are so turned around that you kind of forget where you are. But it's still the same company, the same vision and some of the same people and so you think transition has to be a breeze. Only not so in reality since you all suddenly realize at the same time that being part of a newly formed group means the old reporting structures no longer work and the power seats are up for the grabs. In a tidal pool of type A's who are all the best in class in some way or the other in a company that only loosely relies on a structure preferring instead to reward innovation and self-direction it creates for some interesting inter-dynamics that can last a while.

My marathon training isn't going too well either partly thanks to long hours. Nor is my rebellion against commercial diets since I seem to have managed to lose the exact same 2.5 lbs 5 times in a row and I am back squarely to where I started. Matters not particularly helped by my mother who said I was getting fat and that it sickened her (love you too, mom!) to which I characteristically responded by eating ice cream because I am too much of a wimp to tell someone I love to their face when their comments hurt me for fear of hurting them.

If the weight doesn't do me in, my pathological desire to please everyone just might as amply demonstrated by the fact that when my brother suggested that he may need to borrow considerably large sums of money for his UK exams and trip later this year I rushed into a gushing "Of course!" even though I had a sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach because I knew it would mean cutting back on a lot of my own plans.

So, yeah, not all smooth sailing in all quarters. But, the work situation is temporary, there's always a personal trainer to shift my marathon training (and hopefully, weightloss) into the next gear and helping my brother won't exactly leave me indigent which is a lot more than many people can say. So for the time being I am just happy that the sun is shining, that I am smiling and that life goes on.... because I know that things can be much worse.


Blogger Donna said...

For a long time I couldn't write anything if things were going well, I just didn't have anything in the spigot. But, have a bad day, spend an hour on the therapist's couch or the dentist's chair, and out it pours. Now that I seem to be having more good days than bad, I'm starting to be able to pull together posts that aren't angst-induced or -ridden. I believe its a good sign!

Switching jobs is still getting a new job. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself some adjustment time. Hang in there!

7/31/2006 9:12 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

I'm glad to hear that things are going better for you. I miss reading your posts!

8/27/2006 7:07 PM  
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